Laughter

Well, it’s 2014, the start of a new year. I’ve tried at least three times to write a reflection on 2013, specifically the second half. After those multiple attempts, I’ve given up trying to pack all of the jumbled emotions and experiences into a single paragraph, ending in some moral that will magically transform the last six months into some worth-while life lesson. At the moment, that ‘transformation’ seems more like a hurricane that has left me scrambling to pick up the pieces of my life.

So, instead of dwelling on 2013, I want to look ahead to 2014 and all of the potential it holds. Inspired by a few different blogs, I’ve picked a word for the year: Healing. According to the Oxford English Dictionary, healing is defined as “the process of making or becoming sound or healthy again”. This one word sums up what I want 2014 to be, a journey of restoration rather than a constant state. I wish for healing for Daniel as he continues his recovery, for broken relationships around us at the moment and for my self-esteem. I also chose healing because of the active and passive nature of the verb as expressed in the definition. Healing is something we can make happen, but there is also a lot of grace involved. Sometimes it’s out of our control and we just have to let ourselves heal. So as 2014 progresses, I want to let go of 2013 and allow healing to happen in my life and the lives of those around me.

Now onto the title of this blog: Laughter. One way of helping the healing process along has been moving in with one of my close friends. In the fall, it seemed unlikely that getting a few months sharing an apartment together would be an option. However, December came and I moved in. After a few weeks adjusting to living together, this has turned out to be exactly what I needed. We’re ridiculous and it’s perfect. We buy cheesecake and shepherd’s pie, watch multiple Disney movies in one night and when we finally stumble into our beds, we’re usually still laughing at something or another. Things are still tough as I’m still sorting out job stuff, future stuff and health stuff, but coming home and being silly and laughing has helped me begin to get things back on track. Slowly, I’m noticing a difference in my outlook and I’m starting to like myself a little bit more again. I’m so grateful for crazy friends and the laughter they bring. I look forward to laughing my way back to a healthy frame of mind with a little help from my friends!

As always, thanks for reading!

Laura

In an Instant

This crazy week, filled with ups and downs, is a prime example that everything can change in an instant. Lately, with our instant information world, one text is all it takes to make me jump for joy or (what seems to be most common lately) bring the world crashing down around me. Both of those have happened this week, and will probably happen again before it ends.

Monday, filled with potential for a good week, went into a tailspin upon a text from Daniel that he was going to be readmitted to the hospital after being out for little over a week. What appeared at first to be left over effects of sinusitis now appears to be something much scarier. His room was filled with doctors Monday and Tuesday outlining their suspicions and multiple tests necessary to rule out certain things like infection, blood clots or Graft vs Host Disease.

Tuesday brought with it more doctors and speculation as well as some good news! My persistence paid off and I heard about an interview for a position I want so badly!! I don’t want to say what quite yet, because I’ll be devastated if I don’t get it, but it’s basically every girl’s dream job ;).

Wednesday, today, was interview day! I think it went well, but I’m not sure. I really hope I hear soon. As soon as I got to the hospital, however, all thoughts of the interview left my head. While Daniel looks ok, he’s on oxygen constantly and just getting out of bed winds him. The possibility I’m scared of came up again and the Internet did not help. I am so thankful for everyone on that ward! My favourite nurse on the ward was there to talk me through it, grab a doctor to explain a few things, and the doctor even grabbed another doctor to clarify! The main thing they stressed is that they still don’t know and whatever it is will be treated aggressively to prevent it from worsening. All this is just a reminder that while Daniel may seem to be ok and stays in the hospital are quickly becoming old hat, it’s still serious and really scary. The day ended with a good talk with Daniel, checking up on each other in the midst of everything and providing words of encouragement for each other. I love him so much.

So, looking forward to the rest of the week, I’m scared. I’m scared of rejection and bad news. All I can do is wait. I’ve been doing a lot of that this fall and I don’t think I’m getting any better at it. But in this time of advent (see what I did there? Oh holiday themes proving very fitting to real problems!), the reminder that everything can change in a moment, not only good to bad, but bad to good, gives me some hope for the unforeseeable future. Hopefully all this waiting will pay off!

Thank you for reading and not tiring of my small worries. The gift of your time in this busy season means so much to me.

Laura

A Weekend in Ontario

I know it’s been a while since I last wrote, but my last few posts haven’t been the happiest and I’ve been waiting for something good to write. If I’m being entirely truthful, I’ve been waiting for a very specific good thing to happen and so far it hasn’t come. But I also know that my life is not void of good things, so instead of focusing on everything that is wrong and unhappy and has not happened yet, I want (and need) to pay more attention to all the blessings I have been given. This past weekend was a great reminder that this past year hasn’t been all bad; in fact, most of it has been pretty awesome! I got to go back to Ontario for the weekend and celebrate a host of different things!

Friday, I graduated with my Masters Degree and got to see most of the friends I made last year during my year at McMaster. My time at Mac was a whirlwind and it was so good to have a great group of friends around me going through the same craziness as me. The ceremony was extremely boring, especially at 9:30 in the morning, but I couldn’t have been happier to be surrounded by friends and familiar faces, laughing at grammatical errors and word mix-ups in the speeches, as only English Masters would. Sadly, that was probably the last time we’ll all be together, but I’ll never forget the last year and the words of encouragement we all had for each other when a paper seemed unwriteable or a certain professor marked a paper as “unfortunate”. To any of my Mac friends who may read this, thank you for your friendship and please please please (!!!) keep in touch!

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So glad I got to go back and celebrate with these girls!

Saturday was another exciting day marking another exciting event: the wedding! My dress came in and I got to stand in it for an hour and a half for the fitting! My feet were very sore after standing in my new yellow shoes for that long, but I loved every minute. We added straps to it and by the end it really felt like my dress – even my mom likes it now! I couldn’t have asked for better service at the bridal salon I went to, and it’s been really special to go with both my mom and my grandma.

I am thankful for my short trip to Ontario to focus on my accomplishment of the last year and the promise of the future to remind me that there is more than the present challenges to focus on. Wedding planning has proven a good distraction and I’m happy we have enough time that I can plan slowly without getting stressed and enjoy all the different steps and tasks it involves.

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I can’t put up an actual picture of my dress, because Daniel will see it, but I can’t help but say that it looks something like this, haha.

Christmas is now well on its way as well (and my birthday with it!), so I wish you all happy holidays full of laughter and food and good memories!

Laura