I probably sound like a broken record, but this has been a busy week! Daniel goes into the hospital in little over a week, and his transplant is less than a week later. With such little time left, noticeable steps have started taking place. Asides from the many appointments he has, on Sunday, we had an open house for family and friends to come and show their support for Daniel. It was amazing to see such a wide group of people be there for Daniel however they can. After, there was a family dinner, after which everyone got an opportunity to cut Daniel’s hair!! I think I was more nervous than him as one cousin gave him a bald spot right at the very front, and the craziness continued when his sister began cutting our initials into the top of his head. Once everyone left, he went and shaved his head completely and now looks similar to Aang from Avatar: The Last Airbender, haha. The next morning, Daniel went and got a mainline IV that comes out of his chest. These have both been drastic changes that make it very hard to ignore what’s going to happen in only nine days!
Throughout all of these big and scary changes, I can’t help but admire Daniel and the strength he possesses. It really makes me wish I could be stronger as I can’t help but feel that I’m slowly breaking into a million pieces. I don’t know what’s going to happen and there’s nothing I can do to shape the outcome of his transplant, and in part, it’s that helplessness in the face of the unknown that has left me feeling especially small and weak. In all of this, I’m reminded of one of my favourite prayers, the Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
I’ve never been very good with waiting and patience. I live in the future more often than the present and being with Daniel has continuously been a lesson in serenity as plans I make for next month or next year can get blown to pieces because of his health. It continuously reminds me that I can’t anticipate what’s going to happen, and instead of trying to plan the unknown, I need to take a deep breath, take a step back and try for serenity instead. While serenity is much harder, hopefully I’ll have Daniel around for a long time to continue to teach me.